What Do You Gain By Being Everyone's All?

My body is hurting. Chronic health issues are no joke. I am working with all my might to heal right now. Napping like a damn toddler because of the intensity of the healing process.

I'm also excavating some of the deepest emotional wounds of my life, processing this concurrently because my life is more than half over and I don't want to waste a single minute more being less than whole.

When I left Rob, I was transparent about the cost. About the drowning. About how I was completely alone in the process, and how through an incredible series of circumstances, every friend fell away over the months leading up to this leaving.

One such person "liked" the writing I did about it. She stayed silent, until yesterday when she reached out. I'd been thinking of her recently and debating if I wanted to reconnect. So when I saw that she had texted me, I contemplated the synchronicity. Then I read what she came out of silence for.

I’m about to file for divorce…. I tried everything. I’m ready. I don’t know where to start and I know you just went through it all.

Oh.

This morning, a DM from a community member. I've been heavily conflicted about leaving DMs open. I don't want to close doors, but I don't think people understand the weight they pour upon me because they see me as the One Who Knows.

I don't really, though. And the burden of trying to help is immense, especially as I traverse the most intensely transformational time of my own life.

After going back and forth on troubleshooting, I received a DM this morning that she had lost the goat and was completely devastated.

And part of me wonders if she'd have been better served by posting in the community instead of relying on one simple, small human who is trying her damnedest and still doing every single bit of it completely alone.

I write this because I think maybe we convince ourselves that giving and being available is being loving, or doing the right thing, but right by who?

Being the one everyone turns to isn't healthy for anyone involved, and boundaries can be the most loving actions we take.

I gave the required information to the would-be divorcee, then ended the conversation. To the one who lost a goat, condolences. Then I turned off DMs.

There's something to the peace of choosing to be alone over being The One With Answers.