Saying Hello to my YEStiny

The little girl grew up, by shutting down.

40 years of "no," that's not what normal people do.

Rocking 4 babies, pouring out everything I had to give and then giving more, silent screaming at the sky while comforting another hurt feeling.

Who was there ever to comfort me?

"You're selfish."

"You're lazy."

Echoes from a childhood where no solace lived, carried into identity.

Finally, my soul will be denied no more.

Sobbing on the kitchen floor, alone, unseen.

Burying a baby, comforting him.

All the while, my soul crying out for solitude, the only place I don't have to perform.

Broken, collapsed, health gone, hope gone.

But then I stood up.

No, I clawed my way back up, bloodied fingers, tear-stained cheeks, determination rock solid and unwavering.

And here I stand, looking out on the precipice, finding me.

Defining me.

So today, I step out in faith, The Fool energy, wings sprouting up to carry me onward.

I will not accept another "no."

Instead, I decide on a "yes," and greet my destiny with open arms. My YEStiny.

I am made of steel now. That girl, she is going to dance again.

Today, I put down the deposit to secure my new future.

And it arrives in 4 months.

Time to prepare.