Not Another Summer in That House

This is another in the series of the mystical, written just as entered in my note taking software so that I could retain the facts. I present them unedited because the truth needs no baubles. See last entry at Life Began Again on Feb. 28, 2014.

Some context needed prior to this entry. The house I reference here is the house I recently left with Rob. FQ toxicity happened in August 2015. Hospitalization happened in January 2016.

every night i go to bed i imagine a scenario in great detail. not because i need it to happen, i think it just makes my brain happy. most don't happen, but some do, in the same detail, like getting THIS place i'm living in now in an amazing miracle of a gift given.

after the FQ toxicity, that august, i was finally feeling like i might live and i walked out of the house for the first time in awhile. this is the house i was born in, i grew up there, we moved in my teens to a farm, and i came back after my mom died. all my babies were born in that house. and i walked in the backyard, marveling at the greenness during a drought, and looked up through the leaves of the elm tree my parents had planted there. i was just sitting in gratitude at being alive and appreciating the beauty.

i had this sense of knowing at the time, 'take it all in, because this is the last summer you'll see in this house.'

then in jan i was hospitalized, nearly died, made it back out and told my husband we needed to act, even though we had no money, no hope of anything happening. i told him if we'd been told this was happening and we did nothing to try to help it, it'd be on us if we stayed stuck.

so the only thing i could think of to do was pare down as if to move. and then someone gifted me $200k, just enough to buy this house i'd first seen in december and loved so much i shared with some friends.

we moved in 5/31/2016, and i didn't see another summer in that house.